"Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft to get the fire off me!"

Day 8

I'm pretty excited that I got to try a new place today. I've been to most places down here, because I like to eat and I eat everyday. So, a buddy suggested Anthony's Bar and I jumped at the chance. Usually they don't let my kind of people into such fine restaurants, but because my caucasian friend was vouching for me, they let me eat there. It's similar to California at the turn of the 20th century, where to avoid the harsh penalities of the chinese exclusion laws, fellow yellows had to find fellow caucasians to vouch for them. That's why I like to surround myself with white people. One day, when America goes to war with China, instead of being stuck in the Edward Jones' Dome, my fellow caucasians will be able to vouch for me and I can run amok like a good caveman. Yeah. That's right. I'm a thinker.

Anthony's Bar is an interesting little place on Broadway. It shares a kitchen with Tony's, so I like to think that I'm eating at Tony's for a fraction of the cost. Be warned, if you want to eat here for lunch, you have to get here early. The seating is very limited, maybe at most 30 people. The menu only has a few items and I went with a hamburger. I figure a hamburger is always a pretty good litmus test. If they can't get that right, don't try anything else. When we got in, a made man welcomed us and directed us to a table for two. On the table was a cup of chips. I, thinking that Anthony's would only serve freshmade chips, was a little disappointed to see that they were Lays. I mean, they tasted just like any other Lays chips I've had. They were cold, nothing special. Thankfully the chips weren't a foreshadowing of the burger. I got a cheeseburger and it came with a giant pickle. I like pickles. This one was great. The burger was huge and was cooked to medium, even though I had asked for medium rare. It was fine though, because the burger was nice and juicy. The melted cheddar was a nice touch. Compared to Dooley's, the quality of the meat was better. At least the patty looked like it was formed, instead of frozen burger box that Dooley's uses. Not that I'm complaining. I like frozen burger box too.

Okay. I do have one complaint. I ordered a diet coke to drink and they bring me out one of those old fashioned coke bottles. I hate that crap. Just give me a damn fountain poured soda, so I don't have to worry about my Coke getting watered down, or drinking it too fast before my meal comes. Stupid. I expected him to ask if I wanted a Perrier bottle to go along with it. Silly made man. Well, here are the ratings.

Anthony's Bar ($10.50)

Cheeseburger - 4 1/2 Wangs (if they cooked it right, 5)

Pickle - 5 Wang (it was great. Fresh and crunchy)

Soda - 1 Wang

Lays Chips - 2 Wangs (uh, expected more at such a fine establishment. Quite disappointing)

Overall - 4 Wangs

"Shake and bake Cal...Shake and bake!!"

Day 7

Due to the pouring rain today, we didn't venture too far from the office for lunch. Kohn, Mcatt, Patie and me decided to dine at Dooley's. Not to all patrons. The burgers here are good. However, if you are ordering a burger, make sure you order it one up from what you normally get. So, if you like your burger medium well, order well done. If you like rare, order medium rare. Failure to follow such advice and ordering a rare burger will end with miserable pain in your bowels similar to getting donkey kicked in the gut. I was fool enough to order a rare burger and sure enough, it came out raw. Cold and mushy in the middle. I was afraid that the burger would either start mooing at me, or give me mad cow. Maybe I have mad cow. And if so, that would excite me because that could only make me a better cave man. Maybe I would see everything as mahogany. Today, I stayed away from the burger and decided to go with the philly cheese steak. If you order this, be prepared to wait because this will take a long time. The philly is huge. It covers the entire plate and comes with some sort of reformed beef slices, swiss cheese, lettuce and tomatoes. I like to top this with some mayo and ketchup to bring some more flavor to the sandwich.

Okay. Aside from the time it takes to get the sandwich, my only gripe with it is that the beef is a little salty. Even with the other condiments on it, they cannot drown out the saltiness of the reformulated beef. But, it's still pretty good and awfully messy. I would recommend excercising caution when eating this thing and pay attention to what you wear, because it will likely get messy. The fries that I ordered along with the sandwich were good. I like Dooley's fries. They're fresh, hot and nicely salted. Closest fry equivalent in the commercial world would be a smaller version of McD's.

Well, here are the ratings:

Dooley's (Price: 10.95 for Salty Beef, Fries and Diet Coke)

Philly Cheese Steak (Salty Beef) - 3 Wangs

Fries - 4 Wang

Overall - 3 1/2 Wangs

Here's a new restaurant for you all to try. It's called Wei Hong on Grand across from Jay's International. It's a good, cheap chinese place that I frequent. If you're by yourself, I would recommend getting the beef fun without gravy. Sound strange? Well, it's actually wide noodles with beef, onions and other vegetables. Very flavorful and the beef is tender with the right amount of chinese spices. That dish only costs $6.95 and is enough to feed even the largest of cavemen (myself).

"Did you see that? Because that just happened!

Day 5

Ugh. Well, I was doing cave man stuff this morning and got back a little late to the office and needed a quick lunch before getting back to work. Where to go? Clearly, it's that time. Thai Express Time! Myself and Member Aoennies ventured out to Thai Express for lunch today. The amount of food she put on my plate was staggering. I have this theory about this place that once they get rid of all of the food, they get to go home. That's what happens when you have a restaurant that doesn't cook their own food and doesn't have a kitchen. Quite strange. Anyways, I went with the green curry and pad thai today. Green curry has always been a favorite of mine. It has chicken, eggplant, bell peppers and onions in a green curry sauce that lately has been pretty spicy. It seems that, lately, they have a new cook preparing the food in Thailand, because the food is extremely flavorful again, and spicy. For awhile, the food there was bland and tasted like I was eating paste. But, ahora, no mas! The curry went well with the white rice and was spicy enough that I need a diet coke to placate my tongue.

The pad thai was also pretty good. Flavorful with a hint of sweetness that's always in restaurant pad thai. It's pretty standard, so no surprises there. My only gripe about the pad thai is that it's a little heavy on the bean sprouts. Sorta drowns out the rest of the dish. For those who are worried about spiciness, I would say stick with the pad thai. As mentioned earlier, stay away from the non-curry dishes here. I think non-curry dishes don't survive the ride over from Thailand and don't fare too well. The curry dishes, are allowed to further stew during the trip and are that much more tastier. Well, here are the ratings.

Thai Express ($8.30 for two entrees and a diet coke)

Green Curry - 4 Wangs

Pad Thai - 3 Wangs

Overall - 3 1/2 Wangs (Yes another half Wang!!!)

Addendum. I'd like to put forth a new favorite bar of mine. This place is called Panama Red's between 19th and 20th street on Locust. Tonight, a couple of buddies and I visited this locale and were pleasantly surprised with this bar. Driving by, it's hard to notice anything special about it and they don't advertise. But, inside is a very nicely decorated bar that is as nice as any bar in town. It's not uberchic where you feel like you have to be wearing european clothes to fit in and it's not like a Dog Town bar, where you see parents lugging their kids in at 10pm for a drink. It's a pretty standard, solid oak bar that has great drink specials until 8pm. Wednesdays, apparently it's $1 off all drinks. Not a bad deal. It's owned by a local guy who's trying to make it, so go out and support local business!

"If we wanted wussy kids, we would have named them 'Dr. Quinn' and 'Medicine Woman.'"

Day 4

You all know how much I love Jimmy John's. This place is quite possibly, the perfect sub shop when you're in a rush. Apparently, according to Srank, I'm a picky eater, but I had no problem going to this place. The cast of characters was pretty standard with Kohn, Cicheal, Srank and myself. I'm always amazed at how quickly this place makes the subs. From the time I ordered my sub, to when it was done, no more than 3 minutes tops. Today, I decided to branch out from my Hunter's Club, which I usually get, and went with the Italian Night Club. Cheezy name, I know, but it was an awesome sub. It has salami, ham and turkey, with lettuce, tomatoes, and onions, topped with a vinagrette and mayo. For extra kick, I added banana peppers which they recommended, and it brought a nice sour/spiciness to the sandwich.

As usual, the meat was fresh and the bread was very tasty. There's something about their white bread that makes it taste great. I'm thinking smack, because everytime I eat it, I just want more. One time, I was playing poker with some friends and I ordered two Big John's thinking I'd eat one now and save the other for a late night snack. But, just like any good smack addict, I polished them both off back to back. I couldn't stop myself. I swear, if I had ordered three or four, I would have probably been better off because I would've eaten to failure. What's Eat to Failure? It's this new diet craze that I've been promoting. You get to eat as much as you want, of whatever you want. What's the catch? You can't stop eating until you throw up. See, eat to failure. Retain minimal calories and go away satisfied. I can't wait until I become famous like Dr. Atkins. Well, maybe I can, because knowing my luck, they'd find me one day, dead from eating to failure, slipping on the "ice/failure" and then cracking my head open on the floor. Real great.

Anyways, back to the story. So I ate both of them and hurt for a real long time. I felt like the time I was fencing and someone stabbed me in the family jewels on the day I forgot to wear a cup. Well, not that bad, but my stomach did feel pretty bad. So, public service announcement. If you are ordering a Jimmy John's sandwich, only get one for yourself, or else you'll find yourself the victim of their smackalicious sandwiches. Well, here's the ratings for Jimmy John's.

Jimmy John's - $8.30 for sandwich, chips and drink.

Italian Night Club - 5 Wangs

Bbq Chips - 4 Wangs

Overall rating - 5 Wangs. what can I say. I love this place.

"Chip, I'm all hopped up on Mountain Dew!!"

Day 3

Well, I tried again today, but no one wanted to go for the Thai food. Probably because it feels like a sauna outside. If you go outside, you feel disgusting because it's like you've taken a nice hot shower in your clothes. Today, Tennifer, Sicki, Mrish, Hdam and I were supposed to be going to STL Bread Co, unoriginal, I know, but on the way there, I almost fainted from the heat, so we stopped at New York, New York deli in the bottom of the new parking garage downtown. This is one of a recent spat of restaurants opening up down here and it's a fairly good addition. You won't leave this place hungry, if you go with a 12" sub.

Today, I ordered a standard, the Reuben, baked wavy cheddar and sour cream lays and a diet Coke. The Reuben came with a small pasta salad and a pickle. The Reuben was surprisingly good. I had it when New York first opened and it was pretty forgettable. This time, however, they loaded up with the corned beef, which wasn't too dry and had the right amount of marbling. There was a hint of sauerkraut, which is the way I like it and some thousand island. They should've put some thousand island on the top piece of bread, but I just put some mayo instead. It worked. Overall, the sandwich was just the right size for me to be full and not want to eat Tennifer's sandwich. Usually I eat her food because instead of eating it, she just tears it into smaller pieces and leaves it on her plate. I think she has an eating disorder. That or she's OCD. But, I was comfortably full and passed on it, much to her surprise. The pickle was pretty good. Crunchy and not too sour. Pasta salad was a joke. I think that a trained monkey could've made a better pasta salad. Fortunately, I was too full from the sandwich to want to eat crappy pasta. When all was said and done, the total bill was $9.00. Service was all right. They bring out the food. But I noticed that the folk who came in after 12 pm had to wait much longer than us for their food.

Ratings:

New York New York Deli

Reuben 4 1/2 Wangs
Pickle 3 Wangs
Pasta Salad has no Wangs

Overall - 4 Wangs

"It's not that I'm lazy, I just don't care."

Day 2

I think eating chinese food almost everyday for dinner growing up has made me subconsciously always want to go eat chinese whenever people ask where I want to eat. I may act like a twinkie, but man do I love me some good chinese food. So, today, Chicheal asked me where I wanted to eat, and of course, I said Bamboo Inn. Bamboo Inn is a recently renovated chinese buffet in the Mansion House downtown. Why do I like it? Well, primarily because it's clean and it seems like they have a pretty fresh rotation of the food out there, so nothing sits too long. Okay, I know that if you've read my earlier posts, then you've read my rants about chinese buffet, especially during the summer time. But, this place may be an exception and where else am I going to go if I want chinese food downtown? I went to the Red Door once and the scariness of that place was enough to make me want to punch myself in the face for being stupid enough to walk into an underground chinese buffet.

So, Kohn, Cicheal and I went to the Bamboo. What was good? Well, Kohn immediately began wolfing down the General Tso's chicken. I swear that if they didn't run out of it, Kohn would've eaten himself into a coma. Apparently it was pretty good. Here's the thing about General Tso's chicken. It's good when the chicken is still crispy. It's average when it becomes soggy from the sauce. Bamboo's, unfortunately, was soft from the sauce. If you want to know what crispy General Tso's tastes like, and how good it is, I recommend going to Four Seasons on Grand and giving it a try there. It's a Vietnamese restaurant, but man is it good. Speaking of Vietnamese, I like Bamboo because they have all you can eat Pho, the Vietnamese noodle soup. The lady makes it fresh for you on the spot and brings it to your table. Not the best Pho I've had because the broth is a little thin on flavor, but adequate, nonetheless.

This place also does vegetables pretty well. They're fresh and crisp, without the sogginess of normal chinese buffets. Bamboo also have a pretty good soup selection. Hot and sour, seafood and wonton. I personally like the wonton soup the best. The broth is very flavorful and the wontons aren't mushy, which is very important. This place is owned by Thai people, I think, so it isn't strictly a chinese buffet. They also have Pasta House salad. Don't ask me how, don't ask me why, but it is a huge salad sitting there. Lastly, make sure you try the fried donuts, or ask for them if they're not out. Quite possible, the best dessert ever. You ask, isn't fried donut a little redundant? It's not after you've had these suckers. Two words for you: Goldenly Delicious.

Total price for the meal: 10.50

Bamboo Inn Rating: 4 Wangs

"You are too useless. And now, I must beat you!"

Day 1

Well, I've fully recovered from the gorging that took place last week, while my sister was in town. I'm going to start something new with this blog. Everyday my co-cavemen and I go out to eat and we always have a tough time deciding where to eat. We stand in the lobby, asking each other, "where do you want to eat?" Someone invariably yells, "THAI!" And then, groaning occurs after that. We then walk out to the front of the building, stand there, and keep asking what we want to eat. Silence. We all look at each other and then walk to the corner of 7th and Locust. We then ask again, "what do you want to eat?!" If you're ever out and about at 11:30 am in that area, we're the group of cavemen looking lost and confused at the corner, twiddling our thumbs. I'm the big chinese guy on the corner, yelling about Thai food.

So, in light of that, I'm going to chronicle for a month, everywhere I eat for lunch with my co-cavemen and provide a rating for that place. For measurement, I will rate these restaurants on scales of Wang, five being the best, one being the worst. Today, for lunch I ate at the Caveman's Club on top of the Laclede Gas Building at 7th and Olive. You have to be a caveman to eat there, but I think it's pretty easy faking as one to get in. You just have to wear a gray suit that looks important. Cavemen like to dress important in order to make themselves feel important. Important clothes are only trumped by mahogany. Mahogany connotes power, hence all the mahogany in our caves.

Anyways, I was eating here with a caveman, Vaura Logel, and Wolly, who sips the hatorade on St. Louis. The Caveman's Club is run by Window's on Washington. It has a full menu and a full buffet. Being a hungry caveman, I opted for the buffet. Today, there were serving a tomato basil soup, prime rib steak, asparagus, pasta primavera and curry rice. The tomato soup was excellent. It was a little creamy, but very flavorful with the chopped basil. There was a hint of garlic to it and brought good balance to it all. Next, the prime rib was average at best. Eh, what do you expect. It's a steak buffet. Medium well, slightly dried on the edges, very fatty, nicely salted. Mostly harmless and filling. The curry rice was the biggest disappointment. There were diced, non-descript vegetables in the rice. It is best described as "mostly bland" and yet intensely yellow. How did they make it so yellow, with so little taste? A disturbing thought, that I chose not to dwell on. I had some tuna salad and potato salad as well. Those were pretty standard, so I will not elaborate. If you want to know what they taste like, go to Sam's Club and buy some. The view is pretty amazing at this place because it is on the top floor of this building, so this alone may make it worth eating here. Well, here are the score breakdowns...

Tomato Soup - 4 Wangs
Prime Rib - 2 Wangs
Pasta Primavera - 3 Wangs (Wolly and Vaura agreed upon this, because they stay away from big pieces of meat)
"Curry" Rice - 1 1/2 Wangs (yes, you can have half Wangs, and if you get a half-wang, I pity the foo!)
Salads - 2 Wangs
Value - 4 Wangs (it was only $10.50 for this buffet and that includes all you can eat dessert!)

Lawyer's Club on 30th floor of the Laclede Gas Building Overall Score:

3 Wangs